I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
