Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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