We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
