I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
