I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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