i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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