JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
