Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
