if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
