Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
