Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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