Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
