I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
