I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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