i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
