Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize