Pants 0. Shit 1.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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