Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
