is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
