Your face is a jimmy john
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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