hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
