It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
