Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
