I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
