she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
