i was born a porn star she said
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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