How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
