oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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