Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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