i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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