I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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