Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
