I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
