Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
