You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
