all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize