it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
