Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
