A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
