my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
