i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
