I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
