5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
