Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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