I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
