make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
