who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she pinky promised me she was 18
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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