Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Say something about gay babies.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
