she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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