The maid of honor just puked.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize