I didn't shave. On purpose
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
