cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
