all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
