I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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