I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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