how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
