I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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