can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
