Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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