My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
