I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
