Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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