OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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