I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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