I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
