It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As shirtless as possible
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
