my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This is my gift to your gina
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
