worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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