Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
