oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dick has a subreddit
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
